Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Inquiring minds want to know...

... what the heck we've been up to.

I could say that I've joined a fitness club and have been working out every day (mostly true) and that I've been indulging in reading really great books during my "free time" (again, mostly true). And what a wonderfully tranquil domestic picture that would begin to paint. Adding the facts and photos about how we delight the giggles and adventures of our girls daily (100% true) would seem to complete the picture. Sometimes the "rest of the story" is the real story of how one is doing though ... and that's what this post is about. Then I'll make time to get the cute photos and stories posted.

So, if you're going to continue reading this post, sit back and get comfortable. I'll try to update you a bit today, and then maybe Shawn can chime in soon with everything I'm sure to forget.

When I first started this post over a week ago I was going to report on how everyone in the household was now healthy -- or at least there was a absence of active viral infections in the house. What a difference a week makes. We all seem to be battling colds and such of one form or another, and at the present moment we seem to be holding ground (Megan now asks to take Airborne when she feels it coming on) against all those nasties. I'm not sure if Nessa's runny and stuffy nose is indeed a cold or simply a side effect of all the hard work she's doing to get those top two teeth to come through.

So, while we have been fortunate enough to not need to visit the clinic for any nasty cold or flu bugs, we certainly seem to be there a lot lately. Jan. 17th Nessa had her 9 month well check and the final word is that all is well and I like our Doctor's laid back attitude about baby development and wellness. (9 month details to follow.)

The same day that Nessa went in for her well check, I went in for mine. The care practitioner I went to made it easy for me to be honest with how things have *really* been even when it's not so easy to talk about. See, so many things have been SO, so good and I want it all to be good of course so it was easy to go along and pretend that it all was good and to make excuses for fatigue and bad days. (Fatigue? -- just picture me constantly whining "why am I so tired?!?!) Pretending wasn't helping any of us though and the rough weeks of January brought that to light even though we seemingly had no light (was it 23 or 24 straight days without sun that we had?).

So, during the last couple of weeks I've struggled to get honest so that I can get well. With a history of Post Partum Depression I knew I was at risk and really we've been watching closing for several months now. Early on I was able to get through the touch of it here and there OK ... since November things have been spiraling downward but the activity of the holidays and the fact that I've had enough "good days" to make the not good seem not that bad kept me/us from thinking it was time to seek help. In January there's no such distraction ... and there was no sun either ... and I was terribly sleep deprived and never seemed to be able to get a good rest even when I tried ...

I joined the fitness club because I know that exercise helps in so many ways and it has. I also began using full spectrum light bulbs, seeking the sunlight whenever possible, and implementing dietary changes (including trying to correct my low iron levels). It's all helping, but not enough. On Jan. 17th my care practitioner and I talked about some options and than Shawn and I talked honestly about all of my "symptoms."

Monday I went back to my wonderful therapist that I saw through my previous depression after Emily's death and then the divorce. She's wonderful. We had a lot of catching up to do.

After much thought and examining the options I also began taking Zoloft (again) to assist me in this process.

So far I see the most immediate benefits when I exercise. I feel better both immediately afterwards and apparently also in general. I didn't force myself to the gym after the girls were in bed last night and I feel REALLY sluggish again today. Ugh. NO excuses today!

So what have I/we actually been spending time doing these last weeks when we were NOT blogging? Well, I have mostly been thinking of lots of things to blog along with a million other things I want to get done, but instead I find one thing or another to help me in putting things off. I've been spending much more of my daytime hours asleep (loved naptimes) and a lot less of my nighttime hours asleep for lots of reasons (up late reading, Nessa waking up a lot with those teeth coming in, and wanting to stay up and finish books rather than go to bed when or at least within a reasonable time after the girls go to bed).

This post isn't nearly as clever as the ones I thought up while exercising various times throughout the last couple of week... I better finally publish it anyway so I can post those cute pictures you're all really waiting for...


Anonymous said...
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Gayle said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you are experiencing depression, but so glad to hear you are DEALING with it. (((HUGS))) Thinking of you!