Sit-com Saturday (by Shawn)

Shawn here. It started out normally enough. After lazily puttering around the house for awhile Saturday morning, Nessa and I were going to run some errands. First stop: the video store to return some DVDs. It was 20 feet from the door to the drop slot—15 seconds, max. I left Nessa in the running car and put the DVDs in the slot. When I got back to the car I pulled on the door handle and almost strained my arm.

The car door wouldn’t open.

I looked at the door with what I’m sure was a very stupid expression on my face, absolutely befuddled. It took a couple of seconds of staring at the door in disbelief for it to register that the door was indeed locked. That all of the car doors were locked.

With Nessa inside, strapped in her car seat.

OK, don’t panic. It’s not that hot out, the car’s running, the air-conditioning is on, Nessa will be fine. Tami’s home, and hopefully out of the shower by now. I’ll call her.

“Hi sweetie. I’m at Family Video, and I managed to lock Nessa in the car with it running. I need you to please bring the other van key here so I can unlock the car.” Tami laughed and said that she would be there as soon as she could.

Now I had to explain to Nessa what had happened. I told her, and told her that Mommy was coming. Nessa could hear me through the window, but between her soft voice and all the road noise, I couldn’t hear her very well. To pass the time, I started making faces through the window, playing hide-and-seek, and walking around the car.

Maybe the rear door is unlocked! Ooof...no, of course it isn’t, doofus.

I briefly contemplated trying to explain to Nessa how to unbuckle herself from her car seat, but between not being sure if she could exert enough pressure to undo the buckles, the problems hearing her through the window, and the fact that I wasn’t sure I really wanted her to know how to unbuckle herself, I decided against that. So I kept trying to amuse Nessa and talking to her through the window.

Soon enough Tami pulled up in our other car, but just as she got to me I saw her eyes close briefly and her shoulders slump. I walked up to the car.

“You forgot the van key, didn’t you?”

“Yes. Never chastise your spouse too much, even in your head, ‘cause it’ll come back to bite you in the butt.”

We talked a bit more, and then Tami pulled away to go back and get the other van key. I had to explain things to Nessa, so I went over to the van.

“Mommy had to go back home, sweet girl. She forgot the other key to the van, and has to go get it.”

At which point my four year-old daughter, with perfect timing, assumed an incredulous expression … which very clearly said “You’re kidding me—and I’m related to these people?” … and dropped her face into her left hand with a loud smack.

Cue laugh track.